Using pua techniques online dating

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These are the sort of repeated interactions I had with guys in the PUA community, and why I got turned against it.

Once upon a time, this guy might have been a perfectly normal but nerdy guy, who could have dated online, met someone nice, got married, and been perfectly happy.

PUA instruction turns awkward, nerdy guys who just want a girlfriend into creepy guys who harass and insult women. PUA instruction teaches guys these mechanical ways of interacting with women that don't really work and fails to recognize that every woman is different.

The no-nos of picking up women in bars are fairly obvious. Online dating, on the other hand, is a bit more nuanced.

I'm no expert, but I have a few relationships under my belt; some strong women in my life who share their secrets; divorced parents who taught me what doesn't work; the advantage of having worked around men who openly talk about their relationships; and I've advised lots of other girls on how to handle their boy troubles and seen their outcomes firsthand.

(which I still think is a really interesting book) and ended up meeting a lot of people who were in the pick-up artist community (not a goal—it just happened). The problem is that what works for one person doesn't work for everyone—not all guys, and not on all girls.

Again, stick to naming the positive qualities you seek. “Women know that intimacy’s part of the package if the relationship moves forward,” says Spira.

Include that, and the ladies may think that’s all you care about. A study from Ok Cupid found the bright light from flashes add seven years to your face, drawing eyes to the very wrinkles and blemishes you’re hoping no one will notice.

I even ended up helping out with one of their weekend seminars, to be a "female test dummy," essentially. This was my first big hint that something was wrong. They were taking guys who wanted girlfriends and teaching them how to pick up girls in bars. They were telling guys things like: be flirty, but it can also be really creepy when the touching isn't natural.

Far from the stereotype of sleazy guys who want one-night stands, 24 of the 25 guys in the class were just awkward, nerdy guys who just wanted a girlfriend (the 25th wanted to bring home a girl for a threesome with his girlfriend). How many relationships do you know of that started in bars? If you want a girlfriend, go sign up for an online dating site. And when you're telling an awkward, nerdy guy who has no idea how to flirt "OK, now, touch a girl here," it's almost always creepy.

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